Episode 23 - Hem Pen Jig
The late afternoon of the 20th day of February, 1640.
"YEW SWABBEY!" screamed Dredd Roberts to Coggy as the Captain and the rest of the pirates came aboard the Reaper, "YEW SANK ME BLEEDIN' SHIP!" added the irate Roberts.
"Calm down, matey 'appens we's decided ta install yer goodself 'as gov'nor 'o this fair town as a consolation," replied Coggy as he surveyed the group of prisoners lined up on the deck.
"Aye, yew won't need yer fake Letter of Marque now, matey," laughed Morgan, "…now dat ye owns tha bleedin' place," he said, as he patted Dredd on the back.
Dredd didn't know whether to laugh or cry as he looked across to the smouldering ruins of Cartagena.
Coggy switched his attention to the prisoners, "Ok, you bunch 'o yeller bastids... which one 'o yew is tha Ol'Man?" he growled, as he walked the line of the nine bedraggled prisoners, one of which was a woman.
The poor swabs remained silent - trying not to look the Captain in the eye.
Moose drew his sword and put it up against the first prisoner, "Answer tha good Cap'n - else this'n is tha first ta die" he said, with a menacing scowl.
Again, they remained silent…
"Coggy, I gives yer even odds that thar bugger is tha Ol'Bastid," said Davey Jones pointing to a menacing looking man in the centre of the line.
Cog calmly walked up to the prisoner, he was a small stocky man with a balding head and pox ridden face with scars on either cheek.
"Yew look like tha oldest fossil 'ere..... WELL, what's yer name?" asked the menacing Cog.
The man looked Coggy in the eye but said nothing, so the Captain drew his pistol, pointed it at the wretches head and asked again, "WHAT'S YER BLEEDIN' NAME, MISTER?"
Again silence, as the other prisoners watched in fear.
Coggy pulled back the hammer of his pistol, quickly turned it away from the swab, and shot the poor bugger standing next to him without showing any mercy.
The man continued to look Cog in the eye without blinking.
"Let me kill 'em one by one 'till they confess," asked Moose, as he continued to menace the end prisoner with his blade.
"Nay, lad... not jus' yet." said Coggy calmly.
Cog moved down the line a little and looked into the eyes of the female prisoner, "Yew 'r either tha fairest lookin' man, or tha ugliest lookin' wench, I's ever 'ad tha misfortune ta meet" he said, trying to provoke a response.
"Kill this hag first," he ordered.
"Aye, friggin' aye!" came Moose's eager reply as he made for her.
The woman smiled - then spat into Coggy's face!
"Guess we's found which one's tha whore, Cyclone," said the calm Coggy as he wiped his face with his sleeve.
Moose lifted his sword ready for the kill - but the older prisoner stepped forward and shouted, "I'M YER MAN… YOU BUNCH 'O MURDEROUS WHARF RATS!"
"Told yew" said Davey, with a smile.
Twenty minutes later...
Admiral Tew came aboard the Reaper and watched as Coggy's men proceeded to hang some of the terrified prisoners from the yardarm.
"What's goin' on?" he asked.
"These sorry buggers 'r tha governors house-servants… we've got tha Ol'Man 'n 'is wench below decks," replied Pirate Jim, "Coggy told us ta dispose 'o these ponces, Sir."
Inside Coggy's cabin, the Captain, Moose, and Davey Jones, leaned over the Ol'Man who was sat in a chair.
The wench, Cyclone, stood to one side - gagged and tied up.
"Whar's tha other piece 'o me map, yew Ol'Git?" asked Cog as he menaced the Ol'Man with his cutlass.
"I don't know whats yer yakin' about," replied the stubborn prisoner.
"Don't play games wit me, yew pox ridden curd!" replied Coggy impatiently as he pushed the point further into the man's wrinkled flesh.
"Yew bunch 'o murderous swine don't scare me... DO YEW KNOW WHO I AM?" screamed Ol'Man in defiance, "I'll slice yer scoundrel's throat 'n feed yer skin to tha brazen, stinkin', folly-fallen galley slaves before I share me map wit yew!" he barked.
Moose leant over the table, "Listen, pal, if'n I wus thee I'd answer our questions... 'cos me mate, Coggy 'ere, will cut yer bleedin' gizzards out 'n feed 'em to tha friggin' gulls!" he growled, menacingly.
Coggy moved closer and put the blade of his sword to the Ol'Mans cheek, "Answer me question or ye forfeit yer good eye," he said with the evilest of looks.
The old man defiantly pushed the sword away and leaned back into the chair, resting his hands behind his head.
"Let me draw my cutlass 'n we'll be in fer a fair battle, and yew should be flattered I would fight such scum as yew at all… you…you hideous South Seas sea urchin!" he said, with a calmness that made the gathered pirates even more irate - and a little uneasy.
"'TIS YER LAST CHANCE... tell us where tha map is 'n no harm 'ill come to yer wench, Cyclone," replied Coggy, trying another approach.
The Ol'Man remained silent for a moment.
"'Appen I's eatin' it so yew bilge rats couldn't git yer scurvy paws on it!" he replied, confidently.
The angry Moose moved towards Ol'Man, "Makes ney difference ta me, ya filthy swine!" he said, drawing his cutlass, "'Appen I'll enjoy cuttin' yer wretched lice ridden carcass in two 'n guttin' yer festering' bowels ta retrieve it!" he continued.
"Aye, but maybe I's lying to ye bout eatin' it! Maybe I's hidden' it somewhere's!" replied the Ol'Man with a wry smile.
"Then I'll enjoy runnin' yer thru anyway!" came Moose's response.
"That I don't doubt, Moose, but remember this - without me, yee'll ne'er git yer pox ridden 'ands on that thar swag." countered the Ol'Man, showing more confidence.
"Bleedin' 'ell, Coggy, 'es got us thar" said a disheartened Davey Jones.
Coggy thought for a moment and scratched his head.
"Ok, ok. We'll jus' wait fer nature ta take it's course 'n see what turns up," said Coggy with new hope, "I'll get La Foot ta do the honors when tha Ol'Bastids relieved 'imself."
"Arrrghhh!" said Davey.
The Ol'Man gave another wry smile and replied, "Sorry ta disappoint yew boy's, but 'appen I 'ad me a mouldy coconut tha other day 'n I's 'ad a sour stomach ever since,"
He stood up and gently pushed Moose's cutlass away, "So, if'n yer plannin' on waitin' fer nature ta take her course, yer in fer a 'ell of a show... 'tis not a pretty sight, I can tell ye!"
"Tha blaggards got a bleedin' answer fer everyting" said Davey with another sound of resignation in his voice.
The pirates again looked disheartened, and once more tried to come up with some ideas.
The Ol'Man gave a sly grin and made his move, "I'll make a deal wit ye. If'n thee promises ta give me an equal share 'o tha treasure, I'll tell ye what I knows 'bout it's whereabouts"
There was a deafly silence for a moment.
"What 'd yer reckon, Coggy?" asked a distrustful Moose.
"Don't tink we's got much choice," Cog replied, "Ok, ye Ol'Bugger. We promises ye a fair share 'o tha loot fer tellin' us tha Longitude 'o tha island…"
"I'll tell ye nottin' till everyone 'o ye 'as swore on a pirates oath that me goodself, 'n Cyclone 'ere, are entitled to one equal share - EACH, 'n that we'll come to ney harm after the said information is revealed." said Ol'Man, knowing he had the pirates by the balls.
"Gawd darn it!…" said a disgruntled Coggy, "thar goes plan B!".
A few minutes later...
The group of pirates sat around the table as Admiral Tew and Henry Morgan entered the room.
"Whaddaya doin'?" asked Tew.
"Appen we's swearing-in tha Ol'Bastid," replied a disgruntled Cog.
"YER NOT TELLIN' ME WE'S COME ALL DIS WAY JUS' TA SHARE THA SWAG WIT 'IM?" screamed the irate Admiral.
Morgan came forward and echoed the Admirals' concerns, "Jeeezzzuz, Cog! What 'r yer makin' deals wit HIM fer?"
"Lads, calm down... tha Ol'Swine has got us pinned," said Moose, with a menacing glance to the Ol'Man.
"I don't friggin' believe dis" said the Admiral, "I's just heard from La Foot what this bastard did to Iguana Jack 'n Cap'n Blood... I want's a piece of him!" said Tew, as he drew his pistol and pointed it at the head of the Ol'Man.
"Kill me 'n yer won't see a penny 'o that thar treasure," said Ol'Man, "…so sit yer wharf rat arse down 'n shut yer trap - ADMIRAL," he added, with a scowl.
Tew pulled back the hammer of the pistol.
"TEW, sit down!" shouted Coggy, "…we's got no choice in tha matter."
"Do ye want tha swag or don't ye" added Moose, trying to calm the irate Tew.
Back on deck, La Foot and Pirate Jim finished hanging the last poor slob and sat down to share some well-earned rum together as they watched the burning fires of Cartagena light up the approaching twilight.
In the cabin, Coggy drew his knife and made a small cut on the palm of his hand before passing the knife to Moose and Tew who did the same.
Ol'Man completed the oath by placing his blood filled hand into the centre of the table.
One-by-one, Coggy, Moose, and Tew placed their hands onto Ol'Mans.
"Let it be known, that all parties present shall be entitled to one equal share of all ill-gotten gains, forthwith." said Coggy, reciting the age old pirates oath as the four men clenched fists.
"Ol'Man, if'n I catches some disease from yer filthy blood, ye can be sure that I'll haunt yer scurvy lice-ridden carcass fer tha rest 'o yer natural wretched life." growled Tew.
Ol'Man just smiled.